Today's Coloring Page:12 Things Men think Women know
Doing a survey to check my observations, here are the following twelve things men think women know:
1. Saturdays are made for sport, but not necessarily taking part in it. Being a supporter in front of the TV for four consecutive rugby matches is totally normal. Salty snacks are mandatory.
2. Any joke about ‘farting’ is fucking hysterically funny.
3. Leaving suspicious ‘skid marks’ in their underwear is part of life and if they could they would get their partner to rate their "break marks" outta ten.
4. Pissing outside on the grass is much better than doing it the conventional way in a toilet. And its especially entertaining when you can write your name in the snow or dirt.
5. When they are totally relaxed in front of the TV the best place for their dominant hand is right on the Crown Jewels (aka Al Bundy style).
6. In addition, if it itches it will scratched.
7. Undies are totally uncomfortable and will only be worn when strictly necessary, like going to work.
8. When inside the shower, the rock star inside every man awakens. Whether it is Pavarotti or Kurt Darren, you’re in for a show unless you’re lucky enough to have a sound-proof door which can be closed.
9. They are all closet ‘Grey's Anatomy’ fans but will never admit to it. They think McSteamy is just as hot as they are.
10. They can ‘rev’ anything from a car to the electric toothbrush, the mixer, shaver or lawnmower. Everything should be fitted with a turbo or super charger. They'd probably make "Vroom Vroom" sounds when we're getting busy if they could get away with it.
11. Their whole diet can be prepared on an outside braai.
12. Men grouped together measure their seniority by the length of their dicks. Not sure yet how they know it, but I suppose it’s their special male sixth sense.
Blokes....am I right or am I right?
Girls...can I hear a Whoooohooo?
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"Nigel enjoys quiet nights in and loves nothing better than a vodka tonic before jamming his over-sized truncheon into wet apricots!"
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Monday Male - Vegas, Baby #1
Yet another Guest Post from The Boss aka El Jefe.
I have been to Vegas more times than I care to remember. And anyone who has been to Vegas enough times is bound to have some rather humorous and/or embarrassing stories. I have my fair share.
Here is a new Blog segment entitled """El Jefe Goes to Vegas" From time to time, I will present you with some of my funny Vegas memories. Enjoy Part One...
So I was talking to a friend a week ago about the time we were in Vegas a while back. We reflected upon one of the funnier Vegas moments I have ever had. It was something that made me laugh, and laugh and laugh. It is kind of one of those "You had to be there" stories, but you still may find some humor in it.
It was about 1am and it was the last night of the trip. My buddy had been out partying all night and I had been in the casino. There were four of us in one room and we were finally calling it a night in order to get up early and catch a flight back to Texas.
I have no idea why, but I suddenly said "Screw this. It is our LAST NIGHT IN VEGAS!!! I am going to a club and dance!" I talk my friend Mike into going out as well and we hit the clubs.
I end up going back to the room at around 3am. I have lost Mike in this huge 3 story nightclub and figure he is a big boy, he can find his way back to the hotel.
So the next morning we get up early and check out, leaving our bags with the concierge so we could eat breakfast. After eating a buffet breakfast, we return to get the bags. The guy at the front asks for the ticket and I in turn ask Mike, “Do you have the ticket for the bags?” He reaches in his pocket, which is full of crumpled up money and various receipts. He hands me what he thinks is the bag ticket.
ME: (examines receipt with interest then bursts into laughter). You ate FOUR McDonalds double cheeseburgers at 4:33am??? WHAT THE HELL??
MIKE: WHAT?? No I didn’t! (I start laughing because I know he would never eat even one McDonalds double cheeseburger. Let alone four. Mike is a health freak)
ME: It says it right here! Four double cheeseburgers at 4:33! HAHA!!
MIKE: (Now I’m hysterical because Mike is starting to freak out and get a panicked look) I must have picked up the wrong receipt!
ME: No you didn’t you must have drank so much that you ate the four burgers and you just forgot!! At 4:33! There goes your healthy living. Hey, didn't you say last week that you haven't eaten at a McDonalds in over 10 years? There goes that streak too!
Now, everyone is doubled over laughing. We have succeeded in causing a scene as people are slowing down to see what is going on. The baggage guy is not too amused though and is repeatedly saying, "Just let me see the ticket!"
All of a sudden, Mike gets a terrified look across his face. We all quiet up as he struggles to speak.
MIKE: Oh My God!!! I actually do remember what happened. NO WAY!! There were like 30 people ordering food and the people working the counter were overwhelmed and couldn't handle it. I was in there just to get a coke or something, no food. I got the coke and thought she was giving me the receipt. I just grabbed one that was on the counter. I guess it wasn't mine!
ME: YEAH RIGHT!!! HAHAHA!!! NO WAY is right. You totally ate the cheeseburgers.
MIKE: I swear! Why would I eat four double cheeseburgers? I would never do that! I hardly ever eat red meat anyway. Give me a break.
ME: But you did. Here’s the proof! (I hold up the receipt) We are not buying your story dude! Give it up!
MIKE: (A desperate laugh and signs of desperation in his voice) HAHAHAHA!! IT’S NOT MINE! MAYBE SOMEONE PLANTED IT ON ME!!
We continued laughing for another minute or so while Mike tried to convince us that he did not eat the burgers. Practically screaming as people looked at us like we were crazy. Remember, we were in front of the Mirage Hotel, at the entrance. There were probably 40+ people passing by us every minute.
Maybe it doesn't sound all that funny, but if the guys in The Hangover had put that in their movie, I bet everyone would be laughing their butt off in the movie theater. Try and act it out sometime. Hilarious stuff. Trust me!
Don't they say: What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas?
The Things Angels Do..
My two children could not be more different!
Megan is my angel child. She is sensitive, sweet, bright, sympathetic, silly, conscientious and an incredibly balanced and a lovable wee tom boy.
Megan is my angel child. She is sensitive, sweet, bright, sympathetic, silly, conscientious and an incredibly balanced and a lovable wee tom boy.
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| Silly Megan |
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| Fearless Megan |
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| Rock Star Megan |
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| Best Swimmer Megan. The only one in the family that can swim butterfly stroke and she did it at age 5. |
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| Athletic Megan |
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| Best Big Sister Megan |
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| Karaoke Megan |
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| Performer Megan |
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| Bad Ass Megan |
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| Conscientious Learner Megan |
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| Water Baby Megan |
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